What Should I Expect From ADHD Coaching?
The short answer
Expect to do the thinking, with me beside you. In ADHD coaching you bring the problem, I ask the questions, and you leave every session with a plan you built yourself.
I'm Kim, an ADDCA-trained ADHD coach for moms, based in San Jose and coaching moms across Santa Clara County and online. I'm also a former early childhood educator, a mom of a 6-year-old, and an ADHDer myself.
Here's what I tell every mom before we start: you are not hopeless, and I am not the one solving your problems. You already hold more of the answers than you think. Coaching is how we find them.
Your first session is about getting to know you
The first session is mostly me asking questions and you talking, with a little teaching from me. It's the session where I do the most talking, and every session after it is mostly you.
Here's what happens:
I ask why you reached out and what you're struggling with. That way I can give you examples you actually relate to.
We look at your strengths using two tools: a character strengths assessment and an executive skills questionnaire.
We talk about your personal experience with ADHD. How it shows up for you, not how a textbook says it should.
I teach a little about the ADHD brain. Understanding how it works is often the first step to having more compassion for yourself.
We set the ground rules. You bring the topics. I may interrupt gently when you're verbally processing, to reflect back what I'm hearing. I'll explain confidentiality and how I handle recordings.
What surprises moms most? One mom told me at the end of her first session that feeling heard was the right place to start.
Every session starts with a win and ends with a plan
Every call follows the same simple rhythm:
We start with a win. Big or small. ADHD brains are especially wired to spot problems and fix them, so starting with what's going right helps retrain your brain to see the positives.
You choose the focus. You bring a topic each time, something new or something we've been working on.
I ask questions. What do you want to be different? Why does it matter to you? What does "better" look like? Coaching is about shifting your perspective, your mindset, and how you understand yourself.
You leave with an experiment. Each call ends with a plan of action you chose, with a way to remember it that fits your life.
I don't hand you the answers. I'm working with your brain, not handing you someone else's system.
What changes, and when
Results start right away, because every call is goal-focused and ends with a plan. The pace usually picks up around session 4 or 5.
At the beginning: finding a win to share is hard. Some moms honestly can't remember what went well this week. That's normal, and noticing wins is a skill we're building.
Around session 4 or 5: they arrive with a long list of wins. They're excited to show up, they put in the work, and they come up with their own solutions more quickly.
Along the way: many moms are surprised by how fast life can shift, and by how much more present and connected they feel with their kids and family.
It's all an experiment. There is no failing in coaching, only new data. If a plan doesn't work, we learn what to adjust and try again.
What it looks like: three moms
Names and details are changed so no one can be identified.
The mom whose kids' yelling sent her into shutdown. She wanted to stop snapping or going silent when her kids got loud. The real struggle wasn't the moment itself. It was how long it took her to come back down afterward. I asked what had helped before, and she said silly music and dancing, but she never remembered in the moment. The idea was hers: a "mom's song" on an alarm at 7:55 AM, right when she tends to become a "stress ball" getting out the door. I sent her the steps to automate it, so there was one less thing to remember. The first few days were more distracting than helpful. By the end of the week, everyone was getting silly with it. She told me, "I wouldn't have come up with that if you weren't talking me through it." I reminded her it was still hers.
The mom who wanted her whole house and yard decluttered. It felt so big she couldn't start. Her old method was to finish one room completely before moving on, which meant everything piled up by the front door. Through our conversations she let go of two beliefs: that a house with extra bedrooms needs a permanent guest room, and that a space has to be finished before you move on. Her first step was emptying two drawers while watching a favorite show, and keeping one drawer empty for what she found later. About six weeks later she opened a session with news that her kitchen plan was a game changer. Clearing the island first made the rest of the room easy. "Low effort, big impact" became her motto, and she started using it on meals. Even then, she told me eating well mattered to her and she still couldn't start. That's ADHD: importance alone isn't motivating enough.
The mom who kept abandoning meal plans. Two weeks of planned meals was too rigid for her. One to three days was realistic. So we stopped fighting that. She left with a list of meals the whole family likes, posted on the pantry door because that's where she looks when she's hunting for dinner. She also kept a few frozen vegetables always stocked, and tied her grocery pickup order to her daughter's morning routine. She rated how doable the plan felt a 9 out of 10, because it pulled together pieces she'd been trying separately.
Notice what these have in common. None of them came from a template. Each plan came from the mom's own history, her own brain, and her own life.
I coach myself the same way
I use the same questions on my own ADHD. A few of my own experiments:
The put-back cart. I had a table that was my doom pile for everything that didn't belong out there, from paint colors for our walls to random projects. Nothing got put away and the pile kept growing. It drove me crazy, and it drove my wife crazy. So I asked myself the questions I ask my clients, and landed on a put-back cart by our hallway with a section for each of us. Things wait on the cart, then it rolls back to the room they belong in. It works because we pass it all the time, and what's on it keeps changing, so it doesn't disappear like a pile does. My favorite part: my 6-year-old sometimes rolls it back to her room on her own. Not every time, and she still needs reminders. I didn't invent it, either. I saw the idea online and tested it.
The backpack basket. My daughter's backpack kept landing on the bench, and nagging her to put it in the drawer made us both miserable. So I put a pretty basket next to the bench instead. It doesn't always make it in. She's six and tired after school. But it's a much easier habit to build.
My website. I've spent hours on every business website I've ever built, wanting every word and visual just right. An hour goes by, then another, and I haven't recorded the content or made the handout. Perfectionism is an easy place to hide, because if I never put it out there, nobody can critique it. But I can't succeed, either. My website is pretty, and there are still things I'm itching to change. I'm choosing to show up anyway.
The deodorant by my purse. I kept forgetting to put on deodorant in the bathroom. So it lives where I keep my purse.
My pills at breakfast. My morning pills sit out where I feed my daughter breakfast, because that's something I do every single day. They don't live in the cabinet where they're "supposed" to go.
That's the lesson I share with every mom: things don't have to live where you're told they should. They live where you'll actually use them. None of these are tips I'm telling you to copy. They're proof of the process.
Why online ADHD tips only get you so far
A lot of ADHD advice online is genuinely helpful. It just isn't written for your life.
Coaching is the nuance. It's finding out exactly what works for you, and understanding what's underneath it:
What actually motivates you
Why this matters to you
Exactly how you'll remember it
I challenge you to think more intentionally and more deeply, and to trust yourself while you do it.
It also helps to know what coaching isn't. It isn't therapy. It isn't a planner, an accountability partner, or a reminder text. And I'm not here to diagnose or treat anything. Coaching works well alongside your therapist or doctor, not in place of them.
Quick answers
Do I need an ADHD diagnosis to work with a coach? No. A diagnosis isn't required, though it can give you a helpful baseline.
Is ADHD coaching the same as therapy? No. Therapy often looks at the past. Coaching focuses on the present and future: what you want and how you'll take action.
How long are sessions, and how many are there? Sessions run up to an hour, usually weekly or every other week. My 1:1 coaching for moms is 9 sessions over 12 weeks.
Will you text me to make sure I do my plan? No. I'm not a reminder text. I help you build your own ways of remembering, so they work in your real life.
What if my plan doesn't work? Then we've learned something. Every plan is an experiment, and we use what happened to adjust the next one.
Your next step
If you're curious, start small.
Book a free consultation. We'll talk about what's frustrating you and see whether coaching is the right fit.
Join Frozen to Started. It's my free live class, 60 to 90 minutes, local in Santa Clara County or virtual. You bring one thing you haven't been able to start, and I walk you through a process to get moving.
You don't have to struggle all the time. I'd love to meet you.