Becoming an ADHD Coach: What My Diagnosis and Parenthood Taught Me

I was diagnosed with ADHD my junior year of college, and medication changed my life almost overnight. I could finally organize my thoughts, start tasks without the usual internal battle, take care of myself in ways that had always felt just out of reach. That's the short version of how I first understood my own ADHD brain, long before I had any idea I'd eventually become an ADHD coach.

After I graduated, I got a job teaching preschool, and at some point I decided I didn't need my medication anymore. And for a long time, that was true. Not a few months. Years. Many, many years where life felt steady and manageable without it.

Then I became a parent, and every bit of that steadiness fell apart.

The Diagnosis That Changed Everything (For a While)

If you've ever gone off a medication or a support system because things finally felt okay, you already know how convincing that feeling can be. It wasn't denial. My life genuinely worked for years without medication. I had structure, a job I loved, a rhythm that fit me. ADHD doesn't always announce itself the same way twice, and for a long stretch of my adult life, mine went quiet.

I think that's worth saying plainly, because so much of the messaging around ADHD treatment implies it's a straight line: get diagnosed, get medicated, stay medicated forever. My experience wasn't that tidy, and I don't think most people's is.

Then I Became a Parent, and Everything Shifted

My wife carried our child, and I was the non-carrying parent. I want to be honest that even in that role, everything changed for me. There's real evidence that non-carrying parents go through their own biological shift alongside the parent who was pregnant, not identical, but real. Whatever the exact mechanism was for me, I suddenly had this whole other living, breathing person to make decisions for and take care of, and something in my brain simply could not keep up the way it used to.

I landed in task paralysis and decision fatigue like I had never experienced before, and I mean before my daughter could even talk. Answering simple questions felt like wading through wet cement. Depression moved in. My anxiety went through the roof. I was experiencing things I had genuinely never felt before, and I had no map for how to dig myself back out.

“Your brain, as a person with ADHD, sees every single little task as a priority. So of course it's hard to start.”

That's something I now say to clients constantly, but I had to live it first. When everything registers as equally urgent, your brain doesn't hand you a place to begin. It just hands you noise.

Finding Help Inside a System Not Built for ADHD Brains

Getting support took a maddeningly long time. It took nearly a year to find a psychiatrist, which is its own particular cruelty. Why is it so hard for someone with ADHD, someone actively in crisis, to get access to the medication that's supposed to make tasks like finding a psychiatrist easier in the first place? That gap in the system is real, and if you're in the middle of it right now, I want you to know it isn't a reflection of how hard you're trying.

I finally found a psychiatrist I love, and I've been with her for about three years now. It took a full year after that to land on a combination of medications that actually worked for me, what I half-jokingly call my little cocktail. I'll say clearly that medication isn't necessary for everyone with ADHD, and it isn't a requirement for coaching either. It was simply part of my own path back to functioning.

How Therapy Led Me to Coaching Instead

The other piece that changed things for me was therapy, specifically talk therapy and EMDR. My therapist's style always felt a little bit like coaching to me, which got me wondering whether I should go back to school to become a therapist myself. It was a real question I sat with for a while. Could I actually do that? Did I want to?

Instead, I found ADHD coaching, specifically through ADDCA. I called, talked to some people, enrolled, and finished my basic training. What struck me immediately about ADHD coaching, and what still strikes me now, is how different it is from advice-giving. It's built specifically so the client comes up with their own solutions, inside an environment that actually supports them in doing that.

What ADHD Coaching Actually Is (And Why It's Not Advice-Giving)

I'm trained to listen, to observe, to reflect what I'm hearing back to you, to ask questions, and to help you make your own connections. You're the one figuring out the solutions and running the experiments. I'm just building the environment where that becomes possible, a safe place with someone trained to hold it.

At the end of the day, 1:1 ADHD coaching is really just structured experimentation. Does this work? Does it not? How does it make you feel? I bring the background knowledge of how ADHD brains actually operate, so when you're stuck deciding what to start first, I can tell you that's completely normal. Your brain isn't broken. It's wired to treat every task like it matters equally, which makes prioritizing genuinely hard, not a character flaw.

And that individualization goes deeper than most people expect. Even two people who both have ADHD and both land in task paralysis won't necessarily get unstuck the same way. What works for one ADHD brain does not automatically work for the next one, and that's not a failure of the advice. It just means the advice was never going to be one-size-fits-all in the first place.

“You're not broken. You're just wired differently. Your brain needs something different than the next person's, and that's okay, even the next ADHD person's.”

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is it so hard to get diagnosed or medicated for ADHD as an adult?

Access to ADHD-informed psychiatric care is genuinely limited, and the process of finding a provider, getting evaluated, and landing on the right medication can take months or even years. If it's taking you a long time, that's a real gap in the system, not a sign you're doing something wrong.

Can ADHD symptoms get worse years after diagnosis, especially after a big life change like becoming a parent?

Yes. ADHD symptoms can stay quiet for years under the right conditions and then resurface sharply when a major life change, like becoming a parent, removes the structure that was quietly holding things together. That shift is common, not a sign that your earlier diagnosis was wrong.

What's the difference between ADHD coaching and therapy?

Therapy often looks at root causes and supports mental health treatment, while ADHD coaching focuses on building practical systems and moving toward goals you set together. Many people, myself included, benefit from both at the same time. ADHD coaching is not a substitute for therapy or medical care.

Do I need to already be in therapy to work with an ADHD coach?

No. Coaching and therapy can absolutely work together, but neither is a prerequisite for the other. What matters is whether you're ready to start experimenting with systems that actually fit your brain.

I'm still working toward my certification through ADDCA, and right now I'm offering discounted rates on coaching to build my practice hours along the way. If any part of my story sounds like yours, the task paralysis, the medication maze, the moment everything you thought you'd figured out fell apart, I'd love to talk with you. You can book a free consultation anytime. We get to do this together. You're not alone.

ADHD coaching is not a substitute for medical, psychiatric, or mental health treatment. If you're in crisis or need clinical support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call or text 988.